For As Long As It Takes
by PipMer
Summary: Throughout Merry's life, Pippin is there to comfort him during various sorrows and losses
1. Frodo

Merry was very quiet on the way back from the Havens; he and Pippin had been singing for a time, but that had tapered off awhile ago. They had parted ways with Sam a couple of miles back, and now were travelling on to Crickhollow. Pippin's thoughts rushed ahead to where they would be sleeping that night, all the time keeping a close eye on his cousin.

All three cousins had been very close, but due to being closer in age and Frodo's frequent visits to Buckland, Merry had been closer to Frodo than Pippin had been. Although the parting had been grievous for both of them, Pippin knew that it had hit Merry the hardest. No tears had escaped Merry's eyes yet, but Pippin knew that it was just a matter of time. Merry never had been one to hide his feelings for very long, and Pippin was slightly concerned that he hadn't broken down before now. Pippin himself had wept freely once they had caught up to Frodo and Sam, and he wondered why Merry had not.

They decided to stay at the Floating Log in Frogmorton rather than camp out again. The weather had turned decidedly fall-like; rain was drizzling down, and the wind had picked up a pace. The promise of the comfort of a soft bed and hot food proved too much to resist, and the hobbits left their ponies in the care of the stables, then marched inside.

The place was fairly quiet, being late of a Wednesday evening. The owner happily showed them to their table, then bustled off to get them some ale while they decided what to eat. After the ale arrived, Merry sat quietly nursing it as he surreptitiously eyed the goings-on in the common room. Too quiet, Pippin decided. After a time, he ventured, "Merry, are you alright?"

Pippin was rewarded with a small smile. "Yes, Pippin, I'm fine. I just...miss him, you know?"

Pippin reached out and squeezed Merry's arm. "Yes, I know, Merry; I miss him too. Do you want to talk about it?"

Merry shrugged. "What's there to talk about, Pip? He's gone; he's never coming back. What else is there to say?"

The bitterness in Merry's tone startled Pippin. Surely Merry understood that Frodo had had no choice, that this was the only way he could find peace. Surely Merry didn't think that he had wanted to leave his friends and family, the only home he had ever known, behind to go live with the Elves.

"He had no choice, Merry," Pippin said curtly. "You know that as well as I do."

"Maybe I do," Merry returned, "But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Spare me your self-pity!" Pippin retorted. "Do you think I wanted to see him go? Don't you think that I wish he could have found the healing he needed with us, instead of with some cold, immortal beings who'll never understand him as we do?" Tears threatened to fall, but Pippin refused to let them. "For the Valar's sake, Merry...do you think he wanted to carry the Ring all that way, only to have the memory of it cling to him even after he thought it destroyed? He was wounded far worse than either of us!"

"You don't understand!" Merry said hotly. He quickly stood up, face red. "I'm not hungry; I'm going to get us a room, and then I'm going to go to sleep. Good night, Pip." With that, Merry turned around and strode away.

Pippin was shocked. Rarely did he and Merry argue, and never publicly. He gave a sheepish grin to the patrons who were looking his way quizzically, gave a nod, and hunched down in his chair. His appetite had been wiped away as well. He had been famished not ten minutes ago; now, he wouldn't be able to choke down bread. Sighing, he decided that after he finished his ale, he would take a walk to clear his head. He wanted to give Merry some space right now; he sensed that his cousin needed it.

The weather wasn't too nasty yet, just a light drizzle. Pippin walked around the inn twice, thoughts scattering like the leaves before a breeze. He tried not to dwell on what might be bothering Merry. He knew his cousin all too well; he wouldn't tell Pippin until he was good and ready. After about 20 minutes, he went in and ordered a bit of cheese and fruit; it wouldn't do to go to bed on an empty stomach, he told himself. He sat quietly and ate, then ordered a bit more to take up for Merry in case he wasn't asleep yet. Armed with good intentions, he slowly make his way to their room.

He was greeted to a dark room and woeful sobs.

---------------------

Pippin carefully set the food down and made his way over to Merry's bed. He could barely make out his cousin's huddled form. Heart aching in sympathy, Pippin sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand comfortingly on Merry's shaking shoulder. "I'm here, cousin; it's alright."

"It'll never be alright again," Merry choked out. Pippin closed his eyes. At a loss, he whispered, "I know."

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," Merry sobbed. "I...I was going to ask him the next time I saw him."

"Ask him what, Merry?"

"Oh, I haven't told you yet, have I, Pip?"

In spite of himself, Pippin smiled. "No, Merry, I don't believe you have."

Sniffling, Merry sat up and faced Pippin. "Well, you know that Estella and I have been talking about getting married?"

"Yes."

"Well, we decided that soon we're going to make our engagement official." Tear-laden eyes locked with Pippin's. "I was going to have the three of you stand for me at our wedding...you, Frodo and Sam. The four Travellers, once again, on the happiest day of my life. But then we got Gandalf's message, and I never got the chance to ask Frodo." Merry swallowed. "I can't imagine one of you not being there on my wedding day. He's supposed to be there, Pippin. All of you are supposed to be there."

"Oh, Merry."

"And I know that I'm being a selfish git, but I can't help it. He was...is...my best friend, Pippin, aside from you. Nothing will seem right without him there."

"I know, Merry, it's going to be hard. But we have to remember what he did, and the price he paid so that our home..the Shire...could be safe. If it weren't for him, you and Estella wouldn't even have the opportunity to make a life together. We can't mourn without end, Merry. That would nullify his sacrifice, and we can't have that."

"I know, Pippin, it's just going to take some time, that's all."

Pippin smiled in understanding. "That's my lad. I brought you some food, in case you're hungry."

"Oh, bless you, Pippin! What would I do without you?"

"Starve"

"Git."

Merry got up and made his way to the table while Pippin set to making a fire in their small hearth. When he finished, Pippin sat next to him, brought out his pipe and readied it for a smoke. Merry ate quietly, and the two hobbits sat in muted companionship, each lost in his own thoughts.

Pippin knew that they would both heal. It would be a slow process, but it would happen. If nothing else, they had each other to see them through. Gazing at his cousin through a haze of smoke, Pippin sent his thoughts toward Merry: "I'll be here, Merry...for as long as it takes."


	2. Saradoc

_Many thanks to elanor winterflowers for her remarks and suggestions for this chapter!_

_Warning: character death_

Merry stood outside the Master's private entrance to Brandy Hall, pipe in hand, gazing at the surrounding landscape. Two large elm trees flanked this entrance into his family's home, and beyond was a stone walkway that led out to the dirt road that ran from the ferry to Bucklebury. Beyond that, fields of crops almost ready to be harvested spread out as far as the eye could see. And to his right, there would be the Brandywine making its way along the borders of Buckland. Buckland...the land that Merry had become master of just five days previously, when Saradoc had passed from a lingering illness. Two days had passed since the funeral, and Merry could still not comprehend the thought of never hearing his father's booming laughter again, or his gentle voice giving loving advice to the young Master in training. Master in training; no longer that, but the Master for real and true.

Merry struggled with his feelings of sadness and loss. Saradoc had meant everything to him; the two had been become very close ever since Merry and Estella had moved into the family residence at the Hall. This was in order for Merry to be able to take on more and more of the responsibilities he would bear when he took up the title of Master of himself. Merry's education had been very important to Saradoc; after all, this was his only son and heir, and he had to be thoroughly prepared for the realities of leadership.

Under Saradoc's leadership, Buckland and its people had thrived. Every year there were enough extra crops to help out the less fortunate hobbits across the River. Finances were kept in meticulous order, the Hall was kept very well maintained, its inhabitants' comforts and needs seen to without fail. Everyone who worked for the Master was very loyal, and worked very hard to please him for the benefit of all. During his training, Merry often suffered from feelings of doubt and unworthiness; he wanted to make his Father proud. The confidence he had gained during the Quest seemed to slip away from him as he gradually assumed the mantle of authority that one day he would inherit. How could he ever compare to Saradoc "Scattergold" Brandybuck?

Merry sighed sadly. His mother had passed on two years previously and Estella had taken on many of the duties of the Mistress of the Hall, good training for the role that she would eventually take on when Merry became Master. Merry was very proud of his lovely wife; she was organized, efficient, fair, and the staff adored her. She would make a very capable Mistress of Brandy Hall. But now that the initial shock of his father's passing had worn off, he was not so sure of himself.

He could never fill his father's capable shoes! There was so much to be responsible for! So many people and families depended on the Master to provide them with their livelihoods and their homes. What if he wasn't up to the job? What if he failed? Merry started to feel panicky, and actually started to tremble. His thoughts started to race and he felt himself falling into the grips of extreme anxiety. He wasn't ready for this; not yet. He hadn't even started his own family yet; he didn't even know if he could be a good father, let alone the caretaker for hundreds of hobbits!

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a feeling of anger swept over him. It just wasn't right. He wasn't at all prepared, and now he had no one to turn to for help. His father was gone, and had left him alone...alone and scared. Merry started to pace. 'Father!' he mentally cried out. 'Why did you leave me? What am I supposed to do now?'

Immediately, remorse and guilt flooded in for having these thoughts about the recently departed. Merry staggered under the rapid cycling of his emotions. He numbly reached out for the nearby bench and sat down. He sat with his head bowed and his pipe clenched tightly within both hands.

Footsteps padded up from beside him; Merry looked up, and wasn't at all surprised to see his cousin with his own pipe in hand.

"Pippin! I thought you'd be asleep by now. How are Diamond and the little one?" Pippin and Diamond had been staying at the Hall for the past week, along with an energetic young two-year old who reminded Merry very much of a young Pippin.

"They're both asleep. I sensed that perhaps you might want to talk."

Merry smiled. Pip always seemed to know when Merry was feeling less than his best, and he always seemed to know where to find Merry at these times.

Pippin sat down on the bench next to his cousin. He didn't say anything for a long while. He just sat and smoked, staring off into the distance, allowing Merry to get his roiling thoughts and feelings under control. Finally, he said softly, "I miss him too, Merry," and he gently placed a hand on Merry's arm. "And I know that all of this," he waved his pipe out in front of him, "must be overwhelming for you right now. But, Merry, you're going to be fine! You won't be Scattergold Brandybuck, but you'll earn your own title, and I've no doubt that it will be a magnificent one." He sighed. "My father is no longer young either, and someday soon I will have to take on the responsibility of the Thainship. I'll have to face my own insecurities one of these days. I know how you're feeling."

Merry gave a weak smile. "Thanks, Pip. I know you'll have your own duties and worries as Thain, no less than me. I'm just .. still trying to come to terms with Father's death, let alone the fact that I'm now Master. I can't seem to sort it all out, Pippin." Tears threatened to spill down the young Master's cheeks. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't have Father to turn to for support if things go wrong. It will all be on my shoulders, Pip; mine and mine alone." Merry bowed his head as he finally let the tears flow. "I couldn't stand to fail him. I only ever wanted to make him proud."

Pippin put an arm around Merry's broad shoulders. "Merry, he WAS proud of you...so very proud. Do you know what he said to me after we returned from the Quest?" Merry shook his head mutely. "He told me that he couldn't think of a better destiny for his son; to be a Knight and a hero of the War. He said that if you could accomplish all that, then you could do anything else that you set your mind to. And that, dear cousin, includes the stewardship of Buckland." Pippin brought his other arm up to encircle his cousin in an embrace, and leaned his head against Merry's. "It IS a lot to deal with at one time, Merry. But you CAN deal with ONE thing at a time. Right now, you're still grieving. You've lost your father. That's enough to deal with for at least a week, Merry. Let me stick around for a while and offer my help to your personal assistant. We'll take care of any essential day -to-day business that needs addressing, and if anything unexpected happens, then we'll seek you out and you can deal with it then. Give yourself a week to adjust to Uncle Sara's passing, Merry. Then you can deal with the issue of taking up the reins of the Hall. I'm sure that Estella will be more than happy to take care of certain arrangements as well. We're all here for you, Merry," Pippin said softly. "You'll never be abandoned."

Tears of gratitude shone in Merry's eyes. He leaned into his cousin's embrace, closing his eyes and inhaling the scent that was uniquely Pippin. Pippin's curly hair had always smelled like pine cones and freshly cut hay. To that was added a mingled scent of pipeweed and baby powder that almost made Merry chuckle; Faramir had added his own special blend to his father's!

It meant much to Merry to have his best friend here with him, right now, at this time. Pippin always had the right words for the right situation...always. Merry's thoughts went back to the Quest, when Pippin was there at the Houses of Healing while Merry recovered from the Black Breath. He remembered when Pippin helped pull him through his sadness over the loss of Frodo. And now he was here, precisely when he was needed.

Merry knew that he could always depend on his cousin for his support and his love. For as long as it took for Merry to recover from this loss, Pippin would be there. And he would never be abandoned.


	3. Estella

_Warning: character death_

"Oh Merry," Pippin whispered brokenly as he held the sobbing hobbit in his arms. Tears welled in his own eyes as he fiercely embraced his cousin. How he knew how this felt! He himself had been through it only months before, and it was this fact that allowed him to reserve control while Merry completely and utterly broke down.

Estella had passed away not one hour ago.

Estella had been steadily declining for about a year now, and none of the healers had had any idea how to help her. The best they could do was give medicine that helped ease the pain and discomfort. It had started with shortness of breath and extreme fatigue, and had steadily worsened until Estella's frame was thin and frail; she had been completely bed-ridden for the past month, too weak to even lift her head for the past week. Merry had been preparing himself for the worst for some time now, with always a brave front in public. The only one who knew that, in reality, Merry felt wrenching pain and helplessness, was his cousin the Thain, Peregrin Took.

It tore Pippin's heart out to watch Merry's hope fade day by day. At least with Diamond it had been quick, albeit unexpected. Pippin had been devastated, and nigh on inconsolable for the longest time. Merry had been there with him every step of the way, and he fully intended to be there for Merry in the same way.

"Merry-lad", Pippin whispered softly, even though at 98 Merry was decades away from being a 'lad'. "If I could take away this pain for you, I would." He smiled softly as he rubbed Merry's back. "Do you remember your wedding day, Merry? I remember it like it was yesterday. You were so happy, and Estella so beautiful. I was so proud to stand for you on that day; I knew what happiness lay ahead for you. You had so many fine years together; you have so many happy memories to cherish."

As Pippin calmly continued to talk, Merry's sobs gradually subsided until all that remained were mere sniffles. Pippin continued to rub Merry's back as silence descended. "Pippin?"

"Yes, Merry?"

"I miss her...I miss her already. How did you go on after Diamond...?"

"Friends...my friends. Specifically, you and Sam. You two were my lifeline, you know. I couldn't have survived those first few days afterwards if it hadn't been for you." Pippin smiled sadly at his cousin. "Merry, I won't lie to you; the next few days are going to be some of the most difficult you've ever experienced. But you'll never be alone, I swear. I'll stay with you here at the Hall for as long as you like; Faramir and Beregond can take care of things at home for me for a good long while. Please...let me stay."

Merry sighed with relief. "Of course, Pippin...please, stay! If you hadn't offered, I would have asked. I ... don't want to be alone tonight."

"I know. Let me send off a post to Faramir, and let him and his brother know I'll be staying on for a few more weeks yet. I won't leave until you're ready, Merry."

"Thank you, Pippin."

"No thanks are necessary, Merry, you know that."

"Can I ask you to do one more thing for me?" Merry asked hesitantly. Pippin wondered what it was Merry wanted to ask; he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, and he looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Of course, Merry. What is it?"

"Would you mind terribly if you slept in our...my room tonight?" Merry blushed a bright crimson shade. "I know it's silly, but I'm afraid to be left alone."

"No, I don't mind, Merry. I'll gladly keep you company tonight. Let me get a cot set up, and then I'll see you to bed, eh? It's been a long day."

For the past three weeks, Estella had been moved to a room separate from the one she and Merry had shared, to allow for around-the-clock care. As Pippin ushered Merry into his room, he took a quick glance around. What he saw caused him to sigh in dismay. Merry, by nature, was a very neat hobbit...a place for everything, and everything in its place, could be his motto. However, now the room was in disarray. The bed was unmade, which was a very bad sign, considering Merry's fastidious nature. Dirty clothes were strewn willy-nilly on the floor, and there was dust everywhere. Well, considering what Merry had been through, it was really not surprising; but it was nonetheless disheartening. Even during the most desperate days of the quest, Merry had kept an order about him that was comforting. This just seemed...wrong, somehow.

Sublimating these thoughts, Pippin gently led Merry to the bed. "Get yourself ready, Merry, and I'll set up a cot in here. I'll stay with you all night, I promise, alright?" Mutely, Merry nodded, his eyes distant and unseeing. Pippin left Merry to his devices, and went back to his guest-room to retrieve his nightshirt and a change of clothes before he went in search of a cot.

When Pippin got back, he was shocked to a standstill. Merry was kneeling on the floor beside the bed, his head bowed down to the floor and both arms curled about his head. He was whimpering and keening, all the while trembling like a leaf in a summer storm. Pippin immediately rushed to his side; kneeling beside his cousin, he gathered him into his arms, cooing nonsense words as he tried to calm Merry down. Pippin's heart clenched with sorrow and sympathy. He sat down on the floor, and brought Merry's head into his lap, and started stroking Merry's hair as he struggled for the right words. Merry continued to whimper, but he had stopped shaking. Pippin quit trying to find the right words, and settled for just being there, silently comforting his dearest friend as Merry tried to cope with anguish too deep for words.

Pippin pressed a kiss into Merry's hair as he sat there helplessly, just letting Merry empty himself of his grief. This night was going to be the worst in Merry's life, Pippin had no doubt. The night Diamond died had been the worst in Pippin's life .. even worse than sitting in the Houses of Healing, staring at a too-still Merry who lay dying of the Black Breath. Pippin had never utterly despaired before...not until he had lost Diamond. He knew that Merry was now feeling the same way he had then...absolutely powerless and at the mercy of fate. Pippin knew that feeling intimately...and there was no way he was going to leave Merry to face it on his own.

As it turned out, Pippin didn't need the cot. After helping Merry undress and don his nightshirt, Pippin slipped into the bed with Merry and held him close until his breathing evened out. Not wanting to disturb Merry, Pippin continued to lay there until he himself fell asleep as well. It wasn't the first time the hobbits had shared a bed for comfort; shades of Crickhollow kept swirling through Pippin's mind. There were many nights there after the quest when one of them would stumble to the other's room after a particularly bad nightmare. Pippin smiled to himself as he remembered wondering why they even bothered with two separate bedrooms. His smile faded. If they hadn't had each other during that dark time, Pippin didn't know what would have happened.

More dark times had come after that, and Merry and Pippin had always been there for each other...from the babes each had lost, to the loss of their parents, the deaths of Pippin's sisters, the departure of Frodo...and now this most devastating of losses, the loss of a spouse. Pippin swallowed past the lump in his throat. His thoughts flew to the hobbit sleeping peacefully beside him. 'I'll be here for as long as it takes, Merry, I promise you,' he thought before he once again descended into sleep.


	4. Merry

_Warning: character deaths _

MERRY

Pippin sat quietly by the bedside, holding Merry's hand. Every so often he would bring the hand to his lips and lightly kiss it. He wished his best friend in all the world would wake up so he could look into those bright blue eyes once again. Pippin had always thought that Merry's eyes were the most beautiful he had ever seen ... even more so than Frodo's deep blue, soulful ones had been.

The people of Minas Tirith were bustling along outside, as they will on any bright, sunny day, doing business, shopping, talking, laughing, eating. Pippin was unaware of it all as he gazed upon the form of his beloved friend.

Diamond and Estella had passed on a few years back, and although Merry and Pippin had desperately missed their wives, they had taken comfort in each other's presence - as they always had throughout their lives. Pippin had most certainly been in love with Diamond - he had never loved another lass so deeply , not even his own sisters. They had had a very romantic and openly affectionate relationship throughout their marriage. He had been more than devastated when Diamond had died; his son had feared that Pippin would lose his will to live.

But even for all the grief and anguish Pippin had experienced at Diamond's loss, it didn't compare to the jagged, raw wound being inflicted on him like a knife at the thought of losing Merry.

There had never been a time when Merry wasn't there. The day he was born, Merry was there. Merry's face was Pippin's first memory. They had bonded from the moment Pippin's sister Pearl had laid him in Merry's eight-year old arms. From then on, Merry had been there to look out for and protect Pippin.

They had been best friends for as long as Pippin could remember. Growing up, he had been in awe of his older cousin. He thought he was the luckiest hobbit in the world to have Merry tolerate his presence so much when he knew he must be irritating at times. But Merry had never been anything but kind and patient with his younger cousin.

And so their friendship had remained steadfast and true throughout their lives. The Quest, if possible, had intensified the already tight bond between the two. When they had returned, that bond had remained just as strong. They had been inseparable, living together at Crickhollow for a time. They had been considered the two most eligible bachelors in the Shire for the longest time, until they had both finally wed and taken themselves off the market, causing considerable distress among the young hobbit lasses.

Life had happened as life will; responsibilities fulfilled, families raised, memories made and cherished, celebrations come and gone. Through it all, Pippin and Merry had never questioned the other's devotion and friendship; it was just always there, like the air and the soil.

Then the spouses had passed away, Estella a year after Diamond, and Merry and Pippin had turned to each other once again. They had been each other's salvation through those dark, difficult months. The pain had eventually abated, and life had resumed its normal course once again.

Now, Pippin was 97 and Merry 105. Since arriving in Minas Tirith three years ago, they had had more time to spend together since their childhood. It had never crossed Pippin's mind that Merry might leave this world before him, leaving him behind to grieve. It SHOULD have occurred to him; after all, Merry was eight years the elder. Pippin just couldn't imagine life without his Merry.

As Pippin watched Merry struggle for breath, he clasped his hand in in both of his, and whispered, "Merry, I'm here. I'll stay right here, for as long as it takes, to see you home. I'll not leave you, I promise." Fortified by his words, Pippin kept vigil at Merry's bedside until, a few hours later, Merry Brandybuck took his last breath, leaving his Pippin alone and bereft.

The next morning, the King found two holbytla in their respective beds, with peaceful looks upon their faces. Although grief descended upon him, Aragorn couldn't help but thank the Valar that these two went within a day of each other. "It shouldn't have been any other way," he thought as he quietly left Pippin's room. "Surrounded by their friends, on such a beautiful day ... I will make sure their memorial sticks in people's memories for a long time to come." He sadly made his way to his wife and son's quarters to deliver the sad news.


End file.
